This article is from The New Paper (News) 10/01/2008
Wild time while at university leads to pregnancy for 21-year-old, so she decides...
AN UNWANTED pregnancy can happen to anyone, regardless of family background and household income.
Lisa (not her real name) was 21, in her third year of university and lived it up by partying.
Then she became pregnant.
Confronted with the choice of having a baby or ending her party lifestyle, she chose to give up her baby.
Mr Noel Tan, 37, co-founder of Sanctuary House, remembered this case well as it was among the centre's first few cases.
Sanctuary House takes care of babies and puts the mothers in touch with support services while they decide whether to keep them or give them up.
Tipped off about Lisa, they approached her to find out how she was coping.
At the time, she was nearing her full term.
Said Mr Tan: "She told us that she can't have the baby because she wants to go back to her partying and drinking. Having a baby would mean that she loses her freedom."
Lisa was also in her final year, and she needed to focus on her studies, she said.
Said Mr Tan: "It was sad to hear that, but at least we knew the child would be safe.
"We didn't want to stress the situation further because at this stage, the baby's well-being was paramount."
So he and the other counsellors helped her with adoption – a choice she made – and the legal documents needed.
They did not ask her why she didn't opt to abort the baby.
After all, abortions have remained high among teens.
In 2003, there were 1,483 teen abortions out of the total 12,272. In 2006, teen abortions figure 1,391 of the more than 12,000 abortions.
Nineteen of these girls were under 15.
Noting this trend, Mr Tan said that Lisa made a good decision.
He said: "When she came to us, she was able to make a better decision... a more responsible solution to let someone else who can, care for the baby. It could have been worse."
Once she gave birth, there was minimal contact between her and the baby. This was done to prevent her from bonding with the child while adoption papers were sorted.
PREGNANT SISTERS
Lisa's case is among the 85 per cent of the babies they care for whose mums give them up for adoption.
About two out of 10 unwanted pregnancy cases it sees are young teens.
The rest are mothers in their late teens to mid-20s and early 30s. It also includes a handful of foreigners.
While Lisa's case went well, MrTan cannot say the same for another 19-year-old who disappeared after a few months and got pregnant again.
Even more worrying, her 17-year-old sister also had an unwanted pregnancy.
Jane (not her real name) had a newborn to care for and a boyfriend who walked out on her.
Furthermore, she was living with her relatives.
Desperate, she went to the centre.
As she sought help with counsellors, her three-month old baby girl was cared for by volunteers.
With her O-level qualification and help from another agency, she managed to get an office job.
The centre worked together with other agencies to arrange financial subsidies to help her pay for infant-care and food.
After three months of counselling, she decided to take back her baby. And that was the last time they had heard from her.
Till now, he does not know how Jane and her sister are coping as they lost all contact.
They believe that she has returned to the father of her first child.
The volunteers had tried her contact numbers and even went to her relatives' place, but no one knew where they went.
Said Mr Tan: "It's not that they don't care. Most of these teens have no financial means, are still schooling, and are often single mothers with no family support. As a result, they come to us.
"It takes a lot for them to come forward. So rather than harp on their mistakes, we want to make sure they make a better decision for the well-being of the baby."
She told us that she can't have the baby because she wants to go back to her partying and drinking. Having a baby would mean that she loses her freedom.
– Mr Noel Tan, 37, co-founder of Sanctuary House
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My reflections:
In today's society, we have teenagers who are pregnant under the age of twenty. And most of these teens go for abortions which results in the loss of innocent lives. We must first ask ourselves, why are there such cases?
Teenagers who have undergone puberty feel that they are perhaps physically ready to have babies. However, they fail to realize that they are not emotionally or financially ready for such a feat. In order to raise a baby, there are many costs involved such as the hospital bill, and teenagers who are not working would have difficulty doing so. Their thinking may also not be matured enough to look after a baby.
Furthermore, having a baby would also restrict a teenager’s activities such as going out with friends, simply because there is a young one to care for at home. As a result, the teenage parents may regret having a baby, and there would a newspaper article on an abandoned baby the following day.
Then again, there are also teenagers who accidentally have babies in a “moment of foolishness”. Perhaps the message has yet to drilled into the minds of teenagers that pre-marital sex is not the way to go and the necessity of contraceptives. It is precisely from these moments of foolishness that result in the abortion of babies.
In my opinion, the best way to prevent teenage pregnancies is through campaigns and education. Institutes of education should have annual talks on teenage pregnancy and how it can be prevented. The seriousness of the consequences should be emphasized on, in order to “scare” the teenagers. If possible, also use local case studies, not meant to shame, but to educate.
However, in the event that it is not prevented, family and friends should give their full support to these inexperienced parents. Raising a child can be stressful, and for a teenage mum whose thinking may not be mature, the stress may be great enough for the mum to abandon the baby. Furthermore, there are also associations to get help from. These associations would then help the parents to find jobs so as to support the family. One such association in Singapore is Sanctuary House which deals with unwanted pregnancies and caring of the child.
In the case that the teenage mum wants to abandon her child, she should consider giving up the child for adoption instead. There is a substantial percentage of adults who unable to have children of their own, and would gladly adopt children.
Finally, if teenagers have been educated about teenage pregnancy, what would their choice be?